


Ad partum exitium.

by Sevvyhonda



Category: Cookie Run (Video Game)
Genre: Trans Rollcake, trans headcanon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 01:05:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17193587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sevvyhonda/pseuds/Sevvyhonda
Summary: He didn’t hate his brother! Why would he hate his brother? That soft little face that everyone loved, that... That freedom to just be whatever he wanted and everyone would approve...





	1. Smashing

**Author's Note:**

> HEY so I’ve fallen hard for Transgirl Rollcake, especially after that Hello Kitty event and the Hammer of Cute. I’m gonna use he/him pronouns because Roll hasn’t really realized at this point, so if that’s a turn off for you then I’d suggest clicking away now. There’s also some pretty heavy dysphoria ahead. If I make this multichapter, it’ll probably dive more into her realizing and coming into her own, so leave a comment if that’s something you’d want to see.

“So, if you wanted to come to the party-“

**”Pff. You sure you didn’t mean to ask pancake? He’s the social one.”**

”Well- We just figured since you haven’t been invited to many-“

A smile cracked on Roll’s face. He was currently buried in the gingerbread mechanics of his road roller, only his feet visible underneath. Who the hell was Cheesecake fooling? It must’ve been a pity invite, maybe a dare. They’d slam the door in his face the first chance they got. 

Why would they even think of inviting a terrible cookie like him?

**”Yeah, I’ll come. And I’ll bring the roller too, see how many of your guests I can crumble into powder.”**

She huffed, setting the invitation on the Road roller before walking off with her kitten. She’d never understand that demolitionist.

It was only a minute later that Pancake came running, waving around a golden invitation and yelling about how much fun he was going to have before running away again.

As expected. 

Roll grumbled to himself, crawling out and sitting in the front seat, slamming his head into the wheel. 

Everything felt  _bad._ Things usually felt bad, but they were worse today. He knew they didn’t care about him, how could they? But at the same time, he wanted them too. But if he let them in, they’d hurt him. How did his little brother do that? Just... Trust everyone?

Maybe...

His eyes traced the invitation on the seat next to him. He could...

No, no, don’t be stupid. He’d break something. Or his brother would overshadow him. His brother always overshadowed him, but-

He shook his head. No, it wasn’t Pancake’s fault. The kid was just living his best life, he wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. 

And that meant there was only one person he could blame his feelings on. Himself. 

He groaned and slammed his head back into the wheel. Back to square one, he guessed.

_“Big brudder?”_

He almost instinctively ruffled the kid’s hair, forcing a smile onto his face. 

**“What’s goin’, PK?”**

_”Why’re you sad?”_

Shit. 

**“I ain’t sad. People are just bein’ sh- stupid. They’re just bein’ stupid is all.”**

_“Who?? I’ll tell’m ta stop!!”_

**“Just... Just me, actually. I’m bein’ stupid today.”**

Pancake papped a hand against his brother’s cheek, putting on his best impression of a serious face. 

_“Well stop!!! You aren’t stupid, big brudder! You’re the smartest cookie I know!!”_

Despite it being an obvious lie, it made Roll blush. He finally smiled a little, patting Pancake’s head. His little brother grinned for a second before jolting and digging through his pockets.

_”I almos’ forgot!!! I found your strawbewwy!”_

Pancake shoved the strawberry bow into Roll’s hair. It was pink with a red border, from back when he was an only child. Back when he still tried to be his own person. He snuck a glance at his reflection in the side mirror and almost started crying then and there. He didn’t know why. It was probably just the memories associated with it. 

He pulled his little brother into a hug and didn’t let go until he was blue in the face. 

 


	2. Crushed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pancake makes him go. 
> 
> ...It doesn’t go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this at 5 am after pulling two all nighters in a row, i bit into a head of lettuce like an apple today, lets fucking do this
> 
> Side note i wrote this and it got sad so tw for occasional mentions of gore but no actual gore (its just metaphors), cursing, and a dysphoric breakdown topped with a lil agoraphobia

He still had the ribbon in. Maybe he just forgot. Maybe...

_“You gotta go! Dere’s gonna be caaake and ice creeam and balloooons, an’ all our friends are gonna be dere!”_

**”All of your friends, you mean.”**

Pancake huffed and crossed his arms, his tiny cape flopping around his body like a burrito. Roll didn’t even look at him. 

_“They can be your friends too, big brudder! Dere’s gonna be princess-“_

**”Ugh.”**

_”An’ sparkling-“_

**”UGH.”**

_”An’ marshmallow is gonna be dere too!”_

**“Are you actively trying to make me avoid this? Cause I’m really not feelin’ it.”**

The light bros tried to chip in from the corner with a few curious beeps, but got shut down by Roll hurling a wrench at them. Pancake gasped and smacked the demolitionist on the wrist. 

_“Well too bad! Cause I already told ‘dem you were comin’!”_

**”You WHAT-“**

-

He stepped into the castle and was immediately uncomfortable. The king was out on business, so Princess had allowed the party to take place there. It was too bright. Too pink too. It was hurting his eyes. 

He’d moved the bow to his collar to pretend he was being formal, but his free hand kept moving to fiddle with it. He was anxious with only his hammer and his brother to give him solace, and his brother had run off a minute ago to mingle. 

Cheesecake cookie spontaneously generated behind him, making him yelp as she tapped him on the shoulder. She had her cat at her heels and a glass of sparkling cider in her hand. 

...And a smug smile on her face. 

“You made it!”

**”Tch. Who cares.”**

Her face dropped to a look of fake sympathy. He didn’t need her charity. 

“I just thought it was nice how you were finally getting out and about! If you’d like to talk to coffee, she’s been dying to find out more about you!”

**”That sounds like a great idea! An’ while I’m at it, why don’t I just fuckin’ give you my beating heart on a stick, huh? I’m sure nothing could happen!”**

People are looking. Stop talking. 

“I just thought-“

**”That what?? Your friend’s ugly brother wants some stupid pity party with a bunch of rich bastards to make him feel better? That I’m some kinda freak cause my only friend’s a fuckin’ road roller?!”**

He was trying to stop, but he couldn’t. The words just kept bubbling from his mouth like he was spitting up blood. He was crying. He couldn’t stop. 

The party was silent. 

“If you need to talk...”

**”About what? How I’m a failure?? How I can’t even be a good big brother? How I gotta look in those lil blue eyes and know I could die and he would be just fine without me?! I know you don’t need me! I know you keep me around for him! Just fuckin’ admit it!”**

He couldn’t keep talking, but he didn’t need to. It was all out there, and he could barely breathe. The walls were crashing down on him, his lungs were empty and he couldn’t get them to fill again. Pancake tried to calm him with a hand on the shoulder, but he was already running to the exit and smashing the door open. He just ran and ran until he collapsed in the dirt. 

And he slept there all night. 

 


	3. Repairing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A revelation comes in the form of a small fluffy cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry about the delayed update. A lot’s been going on. My nana got really sick lately and I’ve been kind of forgetting to take my meds regularly. Hope yall understand and appreciate this chapter regardless. Love you!

 He woke up and was almost disappointed that nobody had even tried to follow him. Lying in the dirt, strawberry eyes trained at the clouds. He couldn’t tell if what he was feeling was sadness or rage. He didn’t move for two hours. He just watched the clouds.

Slowly, he stood up, trotting back home and silently sitting behind the wheel of his road roller. The room was full of shattered glass and smashed wood from days he’d had like this in the past. He didn’t know what to do with himself. 

“ _What’s_ _that?!_ ”

” _Is_ _it...!_ ”

” _Woah!_ ”

...Cookies are yelling outside. 

Perfect. 

Something to destroy. 

He jammed the key into the ignition and slammed on the gas, breaking through the garage door and skidding into the world. Everyone was clustered around something pink. 

With a growl in his teeth and a death wish in his eyes, he drove full-speed towards the weird pink thing. 

The next few seconds were a blur of motion. Twin kittens appeared in his roller, wrestling his hands off the steering wheel and jamming them at his sides in a tight hug. A burst of light surrounded them, love from the cats spilling outward and into RC in an attempt to calm him down. 

He woke up to pancake poking him in the face. Must’ve fallen out of his roller. The little rascal gasps as RC stands up. 

...Why is everyone looking at him so funny?

—

**“So... Wha’s this mean f’r my demolition business? I mean...”**

The soft cat put a paw on their knee, giving a smile that said all on its own that everything would be fine. A sigh of relief broke RC’s lips. 

**“If you say so. I mean... Not that I’m complainin’. I’ve always wanted to be more of a lovable cookie.”**

_You were always lovable,_ Hello Kitty seems to say.  _You just never noticed._

They almost break down crying for some stupid reason. The kitten headband, despite restricting their hair, frees them. 

They don’t know why. 

They don’t care why. 

This is just... right.


End file.
